Thursday, September 19, 2013

Believe it or not....

I do actually keep a lot to myself. My life isn't an open book. If it was, I'm sure I'd have more people pissed off at me on a regular basis. I have learned that I can control what I say and my reactions to other people's actions. The rest is out of my hands. It's getting close to my moms birthday and I haven't spoken to her since Grams funeral. I can honestly say that I've tried. She is so afraid of my brother and what he'd do to her if she had any contact with me. I've tried to help but she doesn't want it. So that's that.

Then there is our life in paradise. I do love living here but as with every positive, there is a negative. I didn't expect to have to go to the dr and have a hunk of skin cut out of my back because it looks suspicious. Now I have to go back and have "surgery" and have more taken off. Just lovely! I hate the cold snowy winters but the warm tropical paradise will kill me! Seems like I can't win! 

Then of course there is work. My job is a job. It's not a career in any way. It helps pay bills but is not a challenge to me (except driving to and from). I'm the crazy lady in the blue Pontiac yelling "Jesus put your foot on the f:($-@& gas and drive!" I ask myself every day, "Why." Then of course the answer is "Because I'm and adult and this is what big people do!" Rick is lucky. He could ride his bike to work and be there in 10 minutes. Speaking of....I think his job frustrates me as much as mine does! I see things from a different perspective of course but I can't help feel like Missiori was a big fat waste of time! I see other soldiers go on missions and doing things and taking classes and getting certified for this of that while someone seems to get overlooked. I see wives post about their husbands are here and there but nothing here. I've tried to be supportive and patient during all the late nights of studying. Also the tests and finals every week. What were they for? To pull weeds? No I don't see all he does day to day but I do see what he's not doing and the opportunities which are not offered. How can I not get frustrated? I have an investment too.  

I have my up days and my down days....this is a down day and those are usually the days I piss people off. Sorry if one of those is you.