If someone says to me, "I've got good news and I've got bad news, which would you like to hear first?" I always say bad, that way the good can cheer me up. That's how my day went today. I called my mom since I hadn't spoken to her in over a week and she said Gram isn't doing well and the nurses are taking care of her. I asked where gram is and she said in the hospital. I asked when did she go in and she said a few days ago. Then I found out that gram had been in a nursing home for about a month! WTF??!! Nobody even bothered to tell me! She has horrible bed sores that Jim is blaming on the hospital but I think they are from him. I'm really struggling here. Do I find a way to go see her now before she's gone or wait until after? 93 is a long life but she didn't deserve to live the way she did the last few years and I can't stop thinking I could have helped. I did the best I could but was it enough? Will I ever know? I was told that I try to find a way to blame myself. Ya, I do. That's because I'm a control freak with OCD. I don't give up until I get things right and when I can't, I've failed so yep, I've failed. Others are absolutely to blame but I should have done more. I now make it my vow to not make the same mistake again. My mom will not suffer at my brothers hands like my grandma did. I promise.
Now to the positive but it has a twist. I finally got a text from the mgr at the hotel. He asked when I can start and said he's looking forward to having me on board. Shit! What am I supposed to do? I wasn't there for my gram so how could I miss her funeral when she does leave us? I need my job but I need to say good bye. I guess I'll be taking a trip into talk to my new boss and see what he says.