For my Husband

To my sweet husband

I'm watching your chest rise and fall with each breath you take while you sleep next to me. My heart is full of love and I can feel tears in my eyes. Happy tears because I know how lucky I am to be able to watch you do something so simple as breathing while you sleep. We had a huge wake up call almost 3 weeks ago. Things could have turned out so differently. I know you will get your strength back. I also know that this time has brought us closer together. This time has shown us that even at our age, we are not invincible. Days are numbered, life is precious and tomorrow is not guaranteed. We have had an incredible journey in our short 5 years together. Our life has taken us to many places where we have met some great people who have become good friends. We have seen and experienced things a lot of people just dream about. Our story brought us back to where it all began. I'm so happy, blessed and thankful that we can continue making more memories together. You are my partner and I'm so glad that I have you with me to continue our story. Let's make it the best that it can possibly be!!

Love

Janet

Rick so far.....

First and foremost I'd like to say thank you for all of our friends and family for the prayers and kind words. It means a lot to me. This has been the most difficult week of my life. For those who know me, they will understand that I'm a control freak but in a good way. I have always been like that and probably always will be. I love my husband with all of my heart and not being able to do anything just sucks. I can only sit here and watch him and pray. He is heavily sedated while on a ventilator with over half dozen different bags meds/fluids going in him. He's such a fighter that they had to restrain him so he doesn't pull out his IVs or cath or any other devices he's hooked up to. 

This all started with severe abdominal pain and vomiting. He went to the ER where they transported him to Fairview where he was diagnosed with acute, severe pancreatitis. From there he was transported to the Cleveland Clinic ICU. This condition was brought on by high triglycerides from his diabetes and drinking. None of which go well together. His triglycerides (fat) were over 7000 and a normal healthy person should have a level of under 200. They performed a plasmapheresis to "clean" out the triglycerides (fat) to 500 or below. After 2 procedures, it is down to 406 and we need to keep it that way (or lower) Now they need to get his levels stable because they started him on a TPN (IV nutrition) His pancreas needs to rest and heal because it is very inflamed and swollen. They have been trying to find the right combination of meds to keep him comfortable and sedated to let this happen. He is calm at the moment and he needs to stay this way. 

I appreciate all think calls and texts and facebook notes but I don't have very good reception here so I apologize for not replying. I'm trying to stay focused on my husband/best friend/my love. Thank you for understanding

Janet

 http://www.gastro.org/patient-center/digestive-conditions/pancreatitis#The%20Pancreas

No expectations, no disappointments

We all have expectations in life. They could be of people, a job or a goal we set for ourselves. When those expectations aren't met due to any sort of reason, we feel disappointment and at a loss. A lot of times these expectations are set not actually by ourselves but by the other person by their own repeated actions. They set a pattern and when they don't follow the set pattern, we are let down because we don't get what we are used to. I'm learning as I get older not to set any expectations on anyone but myself. I will only have myself to blame for any disappointment. I wish I had understood this years ago. It would have saved me so much time and heartache. I try to live my life by the golden rule, ya know "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" It's too bad more people don't live by that rule. It sounds good but how many people actually follow it and live it? I told someone the other day, "It's not in the talking, it's in the doing". The older I get, the less tolerance I have for petty bullshit. I have learned life is too short  and too precious to waste on people who don't respect you. Life should be appreciated and because no one knows what the future holds.

A new chapter brings us full circle!

We are back in Ohio. Our lives have come full circle in less than 5 years and OH what a journey it's been!! I started here then Washington-1yr, Missouri 1-yr, Hawaii 2 1/2 yrs. The last was absolutely my FAVORITE!!! I was able to get a good job, on my own, not because of who I knew. I made friends, good friends that I will miss dearly. 

We have been back for 3 weeks now and I still feel like we are just visiting, waiting for our return flight. That's probably because we don't have anything of our personal possessions but our clothes from our suitcases. It could also be because we have been moved around so many times, it's hard to feel truly at home. I'm looking forward to FINALLY having a place to put down roots, paint walls, plant a garden and host family parties!! This crazy life is all about give and take and compromise. We gave up our island paradise to be back where we came from. 

We are building a new house which should be done March 23rd. It's quite exciting and terrifying at the same time!! Thankfully Rick has a good job so we can make this dream possible!!  I'm looking forward to starting school but nervous too. A year FULL TIME is gonna SUCK!! I'm so worried that I may fail!! Does my brain even have the capability of learning more? The next 6 months will be incredible just like the last 5 years have been!! It sure is a wonderful life!!

Hello??? Has social media replaced the simple phone call?

When I was growing up, my Grandma Anna would take the bus from Cleveland to our house every other Friday after work. I loved her visits. The other weekends she didn't visit, my mom would call her at the same time every Sunday evening. Of course there was no Internet back then but just the routine was special and makes me smile. Most of us have 1 form of social media or another on 1 electronic device or another. We like our gadgets and we like to stay connected and we want instant notification when someone we know is doing something awesome. It makes us feel good to know our loved ones and friends are happy and having fun. It also can be a great form of communication when someone needs to reach out to the masses in times of trouble. 

I was thinking about all of this when I called my daughter today. I looked at my phone and realized the only incoming calls are from my Dr's or my daughter or my husband. No other family or friends. Facebook is a great way to stay in touch but somethings are just too personal to share. I guess when I look at my call log, in and out, that's who I realize who I'm most excited to go back and see. That's who's stayed in contact and put the effort into a relationship. A phone call is real effort, real commitment and I love you! 

Can you really ever go home?

So I've been thinking a lot about this new chapter we are about to begin. Moving back home to Ohio. Just thinking about it brings mixed emotions. It's bittersweet without a doubt and will be a huge adjustment. It was a decision we did not make lightly. We had so many things to consider, financial aspects being a big part of it but also family. The biggest drawback is how much we both HATE WINTER! I realize how blessed we have been to have been given the opportunity to experience this beautiful place and I will miss it the most. I can't even begin to explain just how much I will miss it! I wish we could afford to stay and move all the people we love and the places we miss from back in Ohio out here :)  I'm starting to get nervous about shipping my babies back. I'm going to be a wreck until I know they arrive safely! We will need to rent a house until our house is built. At least Rick has a job. I still need to get enrolled in school. So much to do, just waiting for the army to say GO! When we finally do get back, how will it be? That's when the adjustment is going to start. People move on with their lives, things change. I know I have a few people that I can call true friends and more that I can say I'm friendly with.  I'm hoping to expand the friend column.  This will be the first time we will be living together as a couple in our home town!! That's pretty exciting! 

Family functions? Maybe I won't feel like the black sheep anymore. I'd like to reconnect with my family and get to know them and have them get to know me and Rick.  I'm looking forward to hosting the holidays in our home, as my dad would have wanted, to carry on the tradition. All the family would be welcome, no special invitation needed. 

It's funny how time and distance can sometimes blur the picture in our minds of how we would like things to be. I just hope the focus gets clearer as we get closer to home and we really can go home again. 

Strong isn't always a good thing!

I was always told I was a strong person. I even took pride in that fact In kind of cocky way at times to be quite honest. Unfortunately, reality sneaks in and shows you how vulnerable and mortal you actually are when you do need someone and they aren't there for you because you've been so "strong" all those years. Well to tell the truth, a lot of those times it was an act. I did what I had to do because I had to do it. Because I had people relying on me. Isn't that life? We do the best we can with what we have to work with in the time we have to do it? But I'm tired of always being the strong 1 for everyone. I give up. I was told by someone who should always be on my side , "you don't need me like the others do because you're stronger than they are". Well I'm done being that person. I'm tired and just can't do it any more. I do for others all the time and expect nothing in return and get nothing in return. I do what I do because I like to, not because I have to. I'm just done so if you need something, find someone else to ask because I'm busy....

Another soldier lost but will we ever know why?

Yesterday's shooting at Fort Hood was another tragedy. It is horrible and I feel for all the families involved. I can only imagine how that can shake your sense of security. It will take years for those people to ever get past it and some may never be able to. 

I've been a military spouse for almost 5 years which is not very long. I learn new things every day, good and bad. Lately there seems to be more bad than good. The military is reducing the number of soldiers by the thousands and they are doing it by any means they can. Men and women who thought they were going to have a career in a branch or the military are being forced out and onto the unemployment line. Soldiers who have fought for their country and suffered in combat, some wounded, being tossed aside all because of the bottom line. Now don't get me wrong, some of the dead beats that are getting canned do need to go, like the idiots with multiple dui's, or guys that beat their wives and kids or have arrest warrants or don't pay child support and so on. Cut them loose. I'm sure there are plenty of others that would just be happy to get out on there own! I just don't think our military or government is doing enough to help our soldiers adjust to life after they are told to take their boots off. I have read some of the news reports and about the soldier who opened fire at Fort Hood. Yes it's early and nothing is certain yet except he was a soldier and he and others are dead and injured. Will we ever really find out what went wrong? I honestly doubt it. He most likely slipped through the cracks somewhere. Even the best NCO has an off day especially when they are put under so much pressure because troops are stretched thin. Some NCO's are only out for what looks good for themselves. (I'm so glad I'm not married to 1 of those!:) I actually asked why we don't hear about this kind of thing happening more often just last week and was told that it looks bad. ((blank stare)) Our country needs to do more to help these soldiers before more of this happens.