I like to think of every day as a fresh start. A day for a new experience or to learn something new. It seems as though I've done a lot of that lately. I wish some of those lessons didn't suck. I am really trying to get myself back in shape so I started running again. That didn't last long because I hurt my knee. I was just finding my pace and learning to control my breathing and now this! It seems like every time I start to think of myself then bam, everyone else's issues and needs are more important.  I feel like I'm made to feel guilty for thinking about myself first once in a while. 


I treat people as I want to be treated and that is the same philosophy I have when I do something. Do it right the 1st time and you won't have to do it again. Don't do things half assed and do the same quality work for others as you would yourself! I don't ask of others what I'm not willing to do myself. 


I know I'm getting old and set in my ways but is it wrong to like things done a certain way? Yes, I am particular when it comes to thing like loading the dishwasher but that's only because I have learned from experience and trial and error that it works best when done a certain way. I'm not being a control freak and I don't like hearing myself repeat shit 50 gazillion times! 


I'm just feeling like the black sheep lately. I need a job to get out of the house and feel like I have a purpose in life again instead of just being everyone's maid. My hope is to get a job 3-4 days or nights a week and have the others in the family pick up the slack. Yep, I know I'm dreaming but without a dream there is no hope!!

So I have a couple things on my mind. 1st is that we just got back from my plastic surgery consult.  The Dr. said I don't have enough skin for a full tummy tuck but he could do a mini. The problem with a mini is that he's not sure if my belly button will be in the right place and the incision will be higher and therefor visible. Oh and it's about $5,500 which I'd have to pay up front.  GAHHH! I wish it would have been better news because my flabby tummy has always made me so self conscious. I can't stand it!! Now not only do I have to lose 20-30 lbs to be at my ideal weight for my height but I will always have this fucked up stomach!! My kids have no idea what they put my body through!! I have always put my kids 1st in everything but when I think of something for myself, I feel guilty! I think about braces, legal fees, 2nd. car. and all the other crap and none of it is directly for me. Is it so wrong to ask for something for me and just me? 

My next issue that is plaguing me is when people as questions but don't really want to know the answer. They are just asking it to be polite like when someone says "Hi, how are you?" I don't consider that simply a greeting but an actual question. I've always been a very black and white person. I am also a very honest person. If you ask me a question, I will tell you like it is. That has gotten me in to trouble on quite a few occasions. If you don't really want to know then don't ask because you may not like the answer. Oh, and if you don't like the answer, that's kinda your own fault cuz you asked!

I guess there is 1 other thing that I've been thinking about and that's procrastinating. I have been guilty of this in the past but I think I've gotten much better about it. When I see others doing it though it drives me nuts especially when it's something that I know is going to be worse if ignored and it's going to directly affect me!! In that case, it basically becomes my problem and I have to figure it out when the problem could have been avoided or minimized if dealt with immediately!

I swear the next blog will be something positive! I promise!! :)

I started to write about the difference in men's and women's brains and then I read this and had to switch gears!! This is a quote from my daughter's boyfriend. He is a leach who has no job and contributes nothing constructive to their relationship. He has wormed his way in and expects Ashley to provide for him on the minimal salary she makes, which takes away from what she could be providing for her child.  He babysit's my granddaughter but I personally don't trust him and wouldn't let him watch my dog. I think about him and my blood boils and I immediately feel sick. Here is his latest rant about me....

I've always been liked by my girlfriends' mothers... But this one: NOPE! And for no reason at all.. Shouldnt've expected much from a money grubbin, child-controlling, everything'sgottabemywayorelseI'mnothappy, succubus.. Oh well. Couldn't be helped.  Everything happens for a reason though. I'm not here for that judgmental little lady. I'm here for Ashiie Niicole 

Now it has become a war. I'm not asking to be chosen over someone who she is in a relationship with but for her to make wiser choices about who she chooses to have relationships with! Since this, I am not forever cut out of her and my granddaughters life.  I have been called immature, bipolar, crazy, nuts, psycho and of course bitch. Wow! If I would have ever spoken to my mother that way, you can bet I'd be missing teeth!! I don't care how old someone is, that is just not acceptable!

So once again, she expects me to bow down and kiss her ass and ya know, I just won't do it. I won't be bullied by my own child!! I'm sick of it! I'm going to have enough to deal with when Becky gets back tomorrow. New house, bad attitude are going to suck! I've been told she is dreading coming. Who wouldn't LOVE to live here? Oh ya, that's right! A moody teenage girl that has to live by rules and be a responsible, respectful person or deal with the consequences!! My bad! All I can do is pray for the best. Some things are out of my hands and I keep reminding myself, We are only in control of our reactions to other people's actions" and we teach people how to treat us. I wish I would have learned the latter sooner in life. maybe then some people wouldn't think it was ok to treat me like shit and walk all over me!

On a good note, because I'm trying to calm down and not get worked up even more, today is my sweetie's birthday!! Right now he's busy playing his new Madden X Box game. I think I might take the dog for a walk before I sweep and wash the floors. We get the area rug and wine rack tomorrow so I want it ready to go! So excited about that!! 

I haven't written a new blog in a while since I've been a little busy :) We finally moved into our house!! I love it, except our neighbors who don't pick up their (2) dog's poop and get upset when we report them. Oh well. I shouldn't have to live with that smell and all the flies! We have spent a lot of $ to have nice things and I would like to enjoy them!!

Then we have the results of staying in a hotel for 60 days! I gained about 15 lbs!! OMG! That may not seem like a lot but it is when I have nothing that fits now and I refuse to buy new bigger clothes!! I can't stand it!! I worked so hard to get the lbs before we moved so I know it can be done. Now I just have to do it!!

Back to the house! I had everything unpacked with in 24 hours!! Today I got pictures hung and also curtains in the living room. Now we just need to pick up the area rug for the living room and the wine rack for the kitchen and then the downstairs will be done!! (I need to also get rid of the boxes!) Our new mattresses will be delivered on the 18th. so it will be so nice to sleep in our new bed!! I think once we have that done and I have curtains hung, it will really feel like home.

On 1 last positive note. The cat has made amazing progress!! I never thought she would. Maybe it was all the time in the hotel but whatever it was, I am so glad!! She hasn't hissed at the dog and even walks right by her without hesitation!! I spent many nights worried about her and prayed we could all live together peacefully! Next week is another big week and that makes me so happy. 

It's so nice to say that we are in a good place. I am enjoying it and l'm looking forward to getting settled in our house and finding a new job/career. I see very good things in our future!!