Struggling with the "F" word

I've really been struggling lately with the "F" word....Faith. It's rapidly waining. People have made promises but few follow through. Giving people too much credit, being gullible, giving too many chances, yep, I'm guilty. I guess I was raised to believe your word is your bond. 

your word is your bond. old-fashioned or formal. If some one's word is their bond, they always keep a promise: "But listen, you have to promise never to tell anyone." "My word is my bond."

I am really struggling with turning 50 this year, more than any other. I wish all the people that say "It's only a number" had a clue of what that saying means to me. I have outlived my dad, and that alone shakes me. I feel like I'm in a huge race to do and see and experience as much as possible but I'm hitting roadblocks and obstacles wherever I go. I wish I didn't care, but I do.  I know I'm a strong person but even strong people have their breaking point. I'm trying control and filter what I post on social media..I guess I'll just keep chugging away at the book I've been writing.  I pray so hard that some people in it get their shit together sooner rather than later or this book will keep getting longer and longer! (you know who you are)