Hello??? Has social media replaced the simple phone call?

When I was growing up, my Grandma Anna would take the bus from Cleveland to our house every other Friday after work. I loved her visits. The other weekends she didn't visit, my mom would call her at the same time every Sunday evening. Of course there was no Internet back then but just the routine was special and makes me smile. Most of us have 1 form of social media or another on 1 electronic device or another. We like our gadgets and we like to stay connected and we want instant notification when someone we know is doing something awesome. It makes us feel good to know our loved ones and friends are happy and having fun. It also can be a great form of communication when someone needs to reach out to the masses in times of trouble. 

I was thinking about all of this when I called my daughter today. I looked at my phone and realized the only incoming calls are from my Dr's or my daughter or my husband. No other family or friends. Facebook is a great way to stay in touch but somethings are just too personal to share. I guess when I look at my call log, in and out, that's who I realize who I'm most excited to go back and see. That's who's stayed in contact and put the effort into a relationship. A phone call is real effort, real commitment and I love you! 

Can you really ever go home?

So I've been thinking a lot about this new chapter we are about to begin. Moving back home to Ohio. Just thinking about it brings mixed emotions. It's bittersweet without a doubt and will be a huge adjustment. It was a decision we did not make lightly. We had so many things to consider, financial aspects being a big part of it but also family. The biggest drawback is how much we both HATE WINTER! I realize how blessed we have been to have been given the opportunity to experience this beautiful place and I will miss it the most. I can't even begin to explain just how much I will miss it! I wish we could afford to stay and move all the people we love and the places we miss from back in Ohio out here :)  I'm starting to get nervous about shipping my babies back. I'm going to be a wreck until I know they arrive safely! We will need to rent a house until our house is built. At least Rick has a job. I still need to get enrolled in school. So much to do, just waiting for the army to say GO! When we finally do get back, how will it be? That's when the adjustment is going to start. People move on with their lives, things change. I know I have a few people that I can call true friends and more that I can say I'm friendly with.  I'm hoping to expand the friend column.  This will be the first time we will be living together as a couple in our home town!! That's pretty exciting! 

Family functions? Maybe I won't feel like the black sheep anymore. I'd like to reconnect with my family and get to know them and have them get to know me and Rick.  I'm looking forward to hosting the holidays in our home, as my dad would have wanted, to carry on the tradition. All the family would be welcome, no special invitation needed. 

It's funny how time and distance can sometimes blur the picture in our minds of how we would like things to be. I just hope the focus gets clearer as we get closer to home and we really can go home again. 

Strong isn't always a good thing!

I was always told I was a strong person. I even took pride in that fact In kind of cocky way at times to be quite honest. Unfortunately, reality sneaks in and shows you how vulnerable and mortal you actually are when you do need someone and they aren't there for you because you've been so "strong" all those years. Well to tell the truth, a lot of those times it was an act. I did what I had to do because I had to do it. Because I had people relying on me. Isn't that life? We do the best we can with what we have to work with in the time we have to do it? But I'm tired of always being the strong 1 for everyone. I give up. I was told by someone who should always be on my side , "you don't need me like the others do because you're stronger than they are". Well I'm done being that person. I'm tired and just can't do it any more. I do for others all the time and expect nothing in return and get nothing in return. I do what I do because I like to, not because I have to. I'm just done so if you need something, find someone else to ask because I'm busy....

Another soldier lost but will we ever know why?

Yesterday's shooting at Fort Hood was another tragedy. It is horrible and I feel for all the families involved. I can only imagine how that can shake your sense of security. It will take years for those people to ever get past it and some may never be able to. 

I've been a military spouse for almost 5 years which is not very long. I learn new things every day, good and bad. Lately there seems to be more bad than good. The military is reducing the number of soldiers by the thousands and they are doing it by any means they can. Men and women who thought they were going to have a career in a branch or the military are being forced out and onto the unemployment line. Soldiers who have fought for their country and suffered in combat, some wounded, being tossed aside all because of the bottom line. Now don't get me wrong, some of the dead beats that are getting canned do need to go, like the idiots with multiple dui's, or guys that beat their wives and kids or have arrest warrants or don't pay child support and so on. Cut them loose. I'm sure there are plenty of others that would just be happy to get out on there own! I just don't think our military or government is doing enough to help our soldiers adjust to life after they are told to take their boots off. I have read some of the news reports and about the soldier who opened fire at Fort Hood. Yes it's early and nothing is certain yet except he was a soldier and he and others are dead and injured. Will we ever really find out what went wrong? I honestly doubt it. He most likely slipped through the cracks somewhere. Even the best NCO has an off day especially when they are put under so much pressure because troops are stretched thin. Some NCO's are only out for what looks good for themselves. (I'm so glad I'm not married to 1 of those!:) I actually asked why we don't hear about this kind of thing happening more often just last week and was told that it looks bad. ((blank stare)) Our country needs to do more to help these soldiers before more of this happens. 

Always learning.....even at my age!

So I took some "me" time. I'm not a young girl any more and I'm ok with that. I like learning new things and meeting new people. You never know who you will meet or what you will learn and I'm always up for a new adventure. I must admit I owe a lot to my husband. He has given me the opportunity to break free from the "fish bowl" and experience what real life is like. Now I laugh and appreciate things differently. I've been able to step back and see things from a different perspective. What I thought was important takes up much less energy in the grand scheme of things. My priorities have shifted. I owe that to my husband. He has opened my eyes to a world I never imagined existed. It's a beautiful place. When you feel so overwhelmed and insignificant...just stop, breathe and look at the bigger picture. We are only a speck in the beautiful picture. Make the most of your life. Let the world see how beautiful your colors can be. Love who and what you are. If you do, others will too!

Believe it or not....

I do actually keep a lot to myself. My life isn't an open book. If it was, I'm sure I'd have more people pissed off at me on a regular basis. I have learned that I can control what I say and my reactions to other people's actions. The rest is out of my hands. It's getting close to my moms birthday and I haven't spoken to her since Grams funeral. I can honestly say that I've tried. She is so afraid of my brother and what he'd do to her if she had any contact with me. I've tried to help but she doesn't want it. So that's that.

Then there is our life in paradise. I do love living here but as with every positive, there is a negative. I didn't expect to have to go to the dr and have a hunk of skin cut out of my back because it looks suspicious. Now I have to go back and have "surgery" and have more taken off. Just lovely! I hate the cold snowy winters but the warm tropical paradise will kill me! Seems like I can't win! 

Then of course there is work. My job is a job. It's not a career in any way. It helps pay bills but is not a challenge to me (except driving to and from). I'm the crazy lady in the blue Pontiac yelling "Jesus put your foot on the f:($-@& gas and drive!" I ask myself every day, "Why." Then of course the answer is "Because I'm and adult and this is what big people do!" Rick is lucky. He could ride his bike to work and be there in 10 minutes. Speaking of....I think his job frustrates me as much as mine does! I see things from a different perspective of course but I can't help feel like Missiori was a big fat waste of time! I see other soldiers go on missions and doing things and taking classes and getting certified for this of that while someone seems to get overlooked. I see wives post about their husbands are here and there but nothing here. I've tried to be supportive and patient during all the late nights of studying. Also the tests and finals every week. What were they for? To pull weeds? No I don't see all he does day to day but I do see what he's not doing and the opportunities which are not offered. How can I not get frustrated? I have an investment too.  

I have my up days and my down days....this is a down day and those are usually the days I piss people off. Sorry if one of those is you. 

So what's normal?

So what's normal? Does anyone really know? Is there such a thing? I think I'm pretty normal, as far as my definition goes. I work hard. I like nice things. I like nice people who treat me with kindness and respect which I return. I love my husband who loves me. We are each others best friends. Do we have a perfect relationship? No, but I don't know anyone that does. Do things piss me off? Hell ya they piss me off. My husbands job does. My job does. My kids do. My mom and brothers do. Bills do.. Traffic does. Ya shit pisses me off but that's all a part of life and its my normal. It doesn't make me a bad person, no. It makes me human. We have to miss our class reunion this year which really pisses me off but I will get over it. Shit happens. We didn't get to spend our anniversary how we wanted because the Army needed my husband. I was pissed but had to remind myself that at least we were together. I'm finally pulling it together. It gets lonely, sure but with my crazy hours at work (and driving to and from) I have a lot of time to reflect and appreciate all the positive in my life and all that I'm blessed to have. It's our time. Time to have fun and enjoy us! I really look forward to my weekends now! Sunday is my fun day and my favorite day of the week! I just wish it didn't only happen once a week!