Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Ramblings of the sleep deprived.

Today is 1 of those days when it seems I can do nothing right. Lord knows I try but today just sucks. I try to do right by 1 person and it pisses off another. Why is it the people who act the shittiest and treat others like shit are treated like royal but the people who do right by everyone get treated like shit. People's priorities are so fucked up. I'd love to put all of them on a boat and ship them off to a deserted island where they can all treat each other like shit and leave the rest of us alone! End rant. 

Breathing deeply. I've been thinking a lot about getting my stuff in order. Organizing my life. As much as I don't like to think about it, ya never know. I don't want to leave those I love with a mess to sort through. It wouldn't be fair. I guess my "girly issues & procedure" have gotten me thinking about things I wouldn't normally think about. My dad was 2 yrs older than I am now when he was diagnosed with cancer. I saw what my mom went through and still goes through and it breaks my heart. If anything ever happened to me, I'd want everything in order. My husband and kids shouldn't have to do it. 

My father in law isn't doing well and it breaks my heart to think of it. I hadn't had the chance to know him long but I did learn a few things from him. 1 particularly is that he is always thanking my mother in law for all she does and tells her how much he loves her. He always thanks her for dinner and all the little things. I like that and I like the fact that it rubbed off on my husband. He appreciates all that I do for him and for our family. It's going to be tough until I get a job but I can't until after my surgery. I put in 6 applications today. I hope 1 pans out. It just pisses me off that someone can come in and completely turn our lives upside down. I have to make at least $1,000 a month to make up for the new $900 bill each month. There goes any chance I had of getting a jeep! Oh! Plus the fact that I need about $5,000 in dental work that I've put off doesn't help. Just when I think we are ok, BAM! Something else comes along and takes a big old bite and messes us all up! I just need my dad or someone to smile down on me/ us and help make some of this mess better. I just need a sign it will get better. 

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