Wishin they could fill my shoes!

I'm really really trying to stay positive and not let people or certain situations bring me down. My family and real friends know who I am so there is no problem there. My problem is when I see someone impersonating me! Someone trying to act like a mom to my kids and grandmother to my beautiful grand daughter! I've had 3 kids- 
Ashley Nicole Kaspar DOB 3-2-90  8# 14oz 
Jordan Douglas Kaspar DOB  8-7-92  9# 2oz
Rebecca Lee Kaspar  DOB 3-27-96  8#6 oz

(I have the scars and stretch marks to prove it!)

Isabelle Marie Rose Kaspar is the daughter of my oldest child and therefore a part of me! I don't get to see them as much as I'd like but that's not unusual, especially in a military family. It doesn't mean that I don't miss them like hell or love them any less. I just resent when someone barges their way in and tries to act like they are entitled to the privileges I have earned as a mom/grandma. My family means everything to me and just because I'm not physically with them doesn't mean I've vacated my position! Nobody will ever love them like their momma no matter how hard they try! (and they will never love anyone like they do their momma either!) I may also not be married to their father anymore and we may not agree on many things but 1 thing that will never change is our love for our kids. The bond with my children can never be broken. My blood runs through their veins and they will always be a part of my life. I will always be proud to be their mom, no matter where our lives take us. No amount of weaseling to try to fit in can change that. I love my kids and I'm proud to be called their mom/grandma because I earned it! 

A little something about me

I'd like to think I grew up in your average family. I had a dad who worked hard at his job at Chevy. He had his priorities straight which were supporting his family first. My mom stayed home and took care of us kids and the house. There were 4 kids, 2 boys, a girl (me) and another boy. We had a nice house, cars and all the normal things in a middle class American home. My parent didn't drink, they rarely fought especially not in front of us kids, we got spanked and were taught  by example right from wrong. I'd like to think I am who I am today mostly to them. I am proud of how I was raised and wish more kids could grow up in the kind of family I did. The 3 boys I mentioned earlier? Well, they must have been adopted or dropped off by aliens because they are nothing like me or my parents. Lets just say I'm embarrassed to say we are related. They have none of the qualities or values our parents worked so hard to instill in each of us. 

My dads been gone for years. Today would actually be his 70th. birthday. Crazy to imagine! He will forever be frozen in my memories as my 47 year old daddy. I just know things would be so different if he was still with us today. My brothers wouldn't have leached off my mom like they have. Mom wouldn't be the heartbroken shell of a woman that she is today. Oh what I'd give if he could've seen his grandchildren/great grandchild!  I was lucky even if I only had him for half my life. 

Happy birthday daddy. I still love and miss you dearly

Love, 
Your little girl

Wake up and see what's right in front of you!

This time of year always gets me sentimental of years and people in my past. My family and friends that are gone or living somewhere else. I feel like I have lived so many lives so far. I went from my parents house, then I was married to Doug, then we got divorced then I was on my own now I am married to Rick and living in paradise. The ink on the divorce papers has been dry for 6 years and I have moved on and I'm pretty happy with my life. I do miss people from that chapter but that chapter is closed. Some people have a hard time moving on and letting go. I have learned to appreciate the people in my life right here, right now. The people I miss will be there when I get back. Those relationships are strong enough for me not to worry about. I am having a hard time understanding how someone could be supportive and do everything for another person and they just don't see it. They are so focused on what they don't have that what's right in front of them is taken for granted. It's better to appreciate what you have than feel sad about what you don't. Things change in the blink of an eye, usually when your least expecting it. I understand we all want what we don't have but a lot of the times when we get it, it's not usually what we expected. Don't take anything for granted because time goes by too quickly and you can't get it back.

Always my best

I do my best in all that I do. No matter what it is and who it's for. I realize everyone isn't like that, which is fine. I realize I tend to go overboard at times which I don't intend to do, it just happens. I don't think that's always a bad thing. Someone recently told me that people don't do unselfish things for people. There is always an ulterior motive, making ourselves feel good for doing it. I was quite taken aback by this and it's been stuck in the back of my mind. Is it true? I certainly didn't cradle my neighbors sweet puppy as it died from getting hit by a car for my own selfish feel good moment. I just did it like a lot of other things I just do.

Memories, past and future

It seems like a lot of people I know have passed away lately. My heart aches for each life they all touched. It makes me think of my mom and gram and dad and even my own life. We have all touched other people's lives, even if in some small way. Our families know us best. They know how to push our buttons and know how to love us unconditionally. It makes me sad when people don't realize this or look at the big picture. We are only here for a short while and people don't usually think about that unless they are at a funeral or hear of someones passing. Make as many wonderful memories as you can while you can. I'm 44 and feel like I need to start cramming as many memories as I can into the rest of my life. I don't want to live with the coulda, woulda, shoulda, lingering on my mind. There are a few people I'd love to slap upside the head or give a good shaking to until they see the light. (family included) Not everything needs to be a battle. Not everyone is the bad guy or out to get you. Take a breath! Look around! Take a mental picture of all that is good in your life! We all have struggles and issues but by taking that step back and seeing the good in things in life, we are not ignoring the problems but possibly seeing them in a better lite. I have things in my life that I have no control over, that have hurt me deeply but it will not define who I am but it definitely has an impact on decisions I make. Some things still hurt more than others. I have chosen to let some things go and let those wounds heal while others aren't as easy. I like to think that I've always been the bigger person by letting things go. I guess I'm not big enough for some things and don't know if I ever will be. I do know that the here and now is what I'm focusing on. The people who know me, family & friends and all the little memories we have made. I am looking forward to making many more! Aloha!

Less is more

Responsible parents teach their children skills to flourish as adults. I believe those skills include such things as showing appreciation, doing selfless random acts of kindness, not acting entitled. At a certain age, kids either get it or they don't and no amount of good parenting can change that. We set our children up for success and if they utilize the positive lessons they have been taught, they will succeed and if not, we can't beat ourselves up for it. I don't know any parent that doesn't want better for their children than they had. I certainly know I do!  The problem then becomes, when have we done enough and when have we done too much? I think the latter is when you see signs of ungratefulness and entitlement. I remember when I was 16 and all the weekends I spent babysitting to save $. I wanted Jordach and Gloria Vanderbilt jeans but there was no way my parents were going to buy them. So, I had to save my $ and buy them myself. They took us clothes shopping 1-2 times a year and none in between. If we wanted something other than those times, that was up to us to figure out how we could buy it. That's just how it was and I think I'm a better person for it! I think I need to get back to that. Maybe I appreciated things more because there was less to appreciate so that made it all the more valuable. 

I remember 1 Christmas in particular. My brother Joe went snooping for our Christmas gifts. He found them stashed in my parents closet. He called me upstairs (I never went upstairs and wasn't allowed since it was my parents bedroom and brothers up there) and showed me 1 present which had a note on it that said "to Janet but you must share with Joe"! It was my very own stereo! It had a turntable and 2 cassette decks! I was so excited even if I had to share! (I never did though ;). Now I'm 44 and I still remember that Christmas when I was 13! Ya know why? Because that's just how much I appreciated it! I think it gives a whole new meaning to "less is more". 

So I think this year will be a sparse Christmas. I think we will be doing something different as in doing something for someone else. A random act if kindness. Isn't that what the season is all about anyway? Maybe that will be remembered more because I doubt a pair of jeans or shoes would be as memorable. 

A few things on my mind

It's been a while since my last blog. I've thought about writing a few but deleted them. I was confronted about 1 of my posts and asked how could I say what I did and people would know who I was talking about and it made them look bad. Um excuse me but unless that person goes around talking about the certain situation then nobody would know because I know for damned sure I don't tell anyone my business. There isn't anyone that I can really wholeheartedly trust or that sincerely wants to know or cares.  My blog is for me and my feelings and if someone doesn't like it then maybe it's their own guilty conscience they are really worried about. 

So now the real blog begins. 

I have a cold and I'm a big baby!

I need a job- for oh so many reasons! (Biting tongue)

I've never been this fat when I wasn't pregnant. Time to starve. Please no grief. It won't last long because I like food too much. 

People without cellulite aren't normal. 

Waiting for the karma bus, my list is getting longer!

Have I mentioned that I have a cold and I'm a baby?

I want to rant and vent. I hope the sores on my tongue heal from me biting it!