Friday, June 15, 2012

Who is Janet Smith-Hamel??

I've been asking myself this more and more lately.  My kids are almost grown. 2 more years until the last has flown the coop. I have been a mom and a wife for more than half of my life and before that, I was just there. I've never really had me time and now that I do, I don't know what to do with myself. I want a career, not just a job but I have never had that. I want to do something that thrills me, that I feel passionate about, not just a paycheck. I feel like I'm too old to go back to school, it's been forever since I cracked a school book! (do they even use them any more or is everything on the web?) lol.  Anyone that truly knows me, knows what I have said I would love to do for years. I would love to be an event coodinator. I'm very detail oriented which as much as it drives Rick nuts, I think would work in my favor. I just wish I knew how to get started and had more confidence in myself!

That's the career side of me. The family side of me seems to be ever changing. Kids (mine) growing and I wish they could just stay small because everything was so much easier! No questioning my parental decisions and making me question them myself. I've been told that if you doubt your own decisions, then you're doing it right. If that's true, sign me up for mother of the freekin year!!  I just wish my kids understood that I've always had their best interest in mind. Taking the high road and putting everyone else's best interest first is tough but it's who I am. I only want what's best for them and I hope someday they will see that. Until then, who knows. I guess I just sit back and take it and try to hold it together.

Last, yep, I'm an Army wife. It's been almost 3 yrs. It's amazing how my life has changed in 3 years and the places it's taken me and the people I've met.  I have learned a lot, that's for sure. I had no idea what different ranks were, (still mess up from time to time) or what they meant. I never imagined that some wives would assume their husbands rank was theirs too. My husbands rank was earned by him, not me. I support him, no matter his rank. I'm proud to be his wife, without question. I just think it's sad that some wives won't associate with other wives if their husbands are of a lower rank.  (Again, lesson learned.) I still can't believe we are in Hawaii! It is beautiful here and there is so much to see and do. I have my moments when I want to get out and see and do everything at once. Other days I just want to sit in the sun and think. I just wish we were in our house with all of our stuff. 5 weeks in a hotel room is a LLOONNGG time!! I wonder if anyone will come and visit us? It seems like "friends" have the same affliction of "out of sight, out of mind". I know if I had a friend that lived in Hawaii and told me that they could visit and have their own room to stay in and just had to pay for airfare, I'd be all over it!! 
I'm hoping I make some friends here. I didn't have a very good 1st impression of some people here before the plane even touched down. Oh well. Live and learn, which is kinda my motto lately. Probably why I started this blog and didn't post all this on Facebook.  Until next time....

1 comment:

  1. I was hoping getting this all out would help me feel better but it didn't. I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions and beaten up at every turn. Nothing I say or do is good enough and is always questioned or criticized. I give little pieces of myself to everyone, every day until I've gotten to the point of asking myself "who am I?" I'm changing daily and not because I want to. I have to always be the responsible 1. I have people that depend on me but when layers or pieces of me are being stripped away, I hardly recognize myself anymore. That's why I asked, who is Janet Smith-Hamel cuz I really don't know anymore. I miss the me I once knew. Is it too late? Is that girl still there somewhere?