They said what??!!

Times sur ewere different when I was growing up! Kids respected adult and especially their parents! I would have never thought of rolling my eyes or smart mouthing off to my parents or panther adult and I would have especially never swore in there presence!! I would have been eating my own teeth and peeling myself off a wall!! (not that I didn't roll my eyes or talk back when they were out of ear shot) I've heard from so many kids "Why should I show you respect when you don't show it to me?". Maybe I'm just old fashioned or out of touch but it's because I'm the adult and your the kid! I've already earned it! Kids act so entitled! I know part is parents fault, me included, because we want to give our kids the world! The bad thing about that is it foesnt teach them to appreciate anything. Making sure a kid has a cell phone is not required! It should be earned! I started babysitting when I was 13 and saved my money. I worked at 16 and saved my money. My parents refused to buy us designer labels. It was sears and JCPenny's and Fisher's Big wheel and Gold Circle and KMart! We were fine with that because we didn't care about materialistic stuff kids do today! I remember how much I wanted some Jordach jeans and Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. I had to save for them but oh how I loved those jeans! What a feeling of pride I had when I wore them! Just seeing the little horses head on the button made me feel good because they were all mine! Kids now put their hand out 1 minute the drop the "F" bomb the next. They don't care who they insult and have very little regard for other peoples feelings. As long as they get what they want when they want it, they aren't happy. I know I am guilty of letting so much slide. I've always said that we teach people how to treat us. I swear this is true. Let someone walk all over you, you will always be their doormat! If you don't put up with someone's shit from the beginning then they won't try to pull shit over on you. I think a lot of the problem is we try to be our kids friends first. I know I did that when I got divorced. It was a combination of feeling guilty for the relationship not working and my own being lonely. We became pals. After a while, I realized it just wasn't working. (teach people how to treat us) It had already begun a new pattern and it's a tough 1 to change. Becoming the parent/ adult that deserves the respect again after letting it slide for so long. It's tough. The anger, confusion of roles being changed back to how they should be. It's my own fault for letting it happen. Now I deal with disrespect, yelling, foul language and I have to find a way to stop it. I wish I would have put the breaks on sooner! Maybe I should do what my parents did. Soap? Smack in the mouth? Im lived through it and I'm fine today. Of course those things don't work in today's society because it's considered abuse. Well I consider it parental abuse to put up with what kids are saying and doing these days!

The waiting game

Before we moved here, I was nervous. I like to be in control and as prepared for every situation that may arise. I've had to give up some of that control since becoming an army wife. So much of our lives is out of our control. So now it's been 6 weeks since we have been in this hotel. Let's just say the walls are starting to close in. I miss my bed, being able to cook using my own pots and pans and eat on our plates! I miss kickin back on the couch and watching tv. The list goes on and on!! I have driven by the house we are supposed to get a few times over the last 3 weeks. I can't see any progress and there is never anyone ther working on it!! It is scheduled to be done by the 26th. That only leaves 2 business days to get it done. I don't see it happening! The army will only allow us 18 more days in a hotel!! I am so angry! It's 1 thing to give up control and have people follow through with what they say but another to let it fall through the cracks and have no accountability!! I will give them until the date they said and if the house isn't ready, I am going to throw the biggest hissy fit they have ever seen!!

I'm mom and I have the scars to prove it!

Some scars are visible and some aren't. As a parent, we try to hide the visible ones to keep up the appearance of having it all together. Isn't that how we are judged by most people, our appearance? Some of my visible scars are my stretch marks or my laugh and worry lines. They all have their own story, each well deserved. The hidden scars range from the pain of an argument to words said in anger and or the loss of a loved one. No matter the depth of the scar, a mothers love is unconditional. We earned that when we give birth to our perfect babies. The title mom is not just a title, it's my badge of the most important accomplishment in my life. I wear it proudly! When I hear that someone else has referred to themselves as my kids mom, not only does it piss me off but I find it very offensive! I earned the title, you didn't! You can't just walk into a family and assume a role which is clearly filled. You can love someone else's kids but don't try to be something you're not and never will be. I am the only mom my kids have and ever will have and I have the scars to prove it!

The EX is your EX for a reason (or a gazillion reasons!)

There are a few things that get my blood boiling and dealing with a "difficult" EX is 1 of them!! I have 1, my husband has 1 and many of us have 1. They became the EX for a good reason. What sucks the most is the fact that they know us well enough to know what buttons to push and when to push them!! It's like they were acting like a spy when we were in a relationship together and now that it's over, they will use any information gained during that time against us!! I guess that's where the phrase, "All is fair in love and war" came from.

I have always taken the high road and taught those values to my kids and associate with people who feel the same. Now that the EX is on the other side, it seems like they want to use any tactic available to screw ya over for their own gain!!  I don't know how some can live with themselves with the way they feel they are entitled to what isn't there's.  The divorce is final!! You don't deserve to even have his name now since you aren't his wife any more. As the new wife, I find it insulting when the EX feels entitled to keep his last name. It's my name now! You lost the right to it!

It's easy to see things from an outsiders perspective. I see how manipulative an ex can be and try to help see the situation from my perspective. It's our jobs and responsibilities, as current spouses, to protect and help see things clearly. When an EX continues to attempt to belittle, intimidate, manipulate and attempt to embezzle money, I get pissed. What sucks even more is the EX knows what they are doing is wrong but in there sick, twisted mind, continues to do it!! How about you get a job and learn to support yourself. I am so sick of worrying about how much more $.  Maybe I should write a book about it. "How to be an EX" for dummies! Maybe a book like that was available and given out in divorce court with the explicit instructions that it must be read and a test following will be the only way a divorce will be granted. Maybe if that happened, we wouldn't have most of these problems and we wouldn't be spending thousands of dollars just to get the court to adjust paperwork saying we have PAID already and we don't owe you shit!! Of course this leads me back to my title, The Ex is your EX for a reason!!

Fathers day 2012

Let me first start by saying Happy Fathers day tho all the dads out there! It's the dads who stand up for their kids, protect them and teach them values and morals that will last a life time. I have girlfriends who do both jobs, mom and dad and do it better than some men could! So to those ladies, Cheers to you too!! I think about my dad all the time. He's been gone for over half my life but the memories are still so clear. Some of my best memories were of me sitting on his step stool in the garage while he was working on a car or motorcycle or other motorized vehicle. I'd sit there and chatter on while he worked and he'd ask for me to fetch a tool for him or to go in the house and get him a glass of Pepsi. Not only are those some of the best memories but I learned my way around a garage! Thanks daddy!! I really miss those times and so many others! We went to our 1st real luau today as part of Ricks fathers day gift. It was great! I loved it all except when I saw the picture of myself! Holy COW! Yes COW! When did my ass get that fat?? Wow!! I must have some incredible friends and the most awesome husband in the world if nobody thought it was that bad. I. Tellin ya! I saw the pictures! They don't lie! My ass is HUGE!! Diet and P90x starts again! Just another reson I can't wait to get into our house!! How can I diet in this tiny hotel room with no stove and a mini fridge and microwave?! Again. Pardon me if I repeat myself but WOW!! I'm still reeling from the shock! The pictures don't lie!! Add this to my to do list!! If I can quit smoking, I can lose 25-30 lbs and my BIG FAT ASS!

Can faith be learned or are we only born with it?

I'm struggling as a parent today. It seems to be my biggest struggle in life. I question every decision I make and the rare times I don't, someone else does. I have tried to be a good parent. Ive tried to teach my kids right from wrong and to always take the higher road. It's just a shame when there are people working against this. It's almost as if the things I've taught my kids are out of sight, out of mind. Meaning, if they aren't around me, then all I've taught them is forgotten. Therein lies my question. I question my faith in almost all aspects of my life. My faith as a parent, wife, friend. I also question my faith in God. Do I believe or not? Is this normal? If I question these things, does it mean I am not doing my job in these areas? How do people just let it go and have faith? I'm more of a touchy feely kinda person. I need real tangible proof in black and white. Maybe I was just born without the faith gene.

Who is Janet Smith-Hamel??

I've been asking myself this more and more lately.  My kids are almost grown. 2 more years until the last has flown the coop. I have been a mom and a wife for more than half of my life and before that, I was just there. I've never really had me time and now that I do, I don't know what to do with myself. I want a career, not just a job but I have never had that. I want to do something that thrills me, that I feel passionate about, not just a paycheck. I feel like I'm too old to go back to school, it's been forever since I cracked a school book! (do they even use them any more or is everything on the web?) lol.  Anyone that truly knows me, knows what I have said I would love to do for years. I would love to be an event coodinator. I'm very detail oriented which as much as it drives Rick nuts, I think would work in my favor. I just wish I knew how to get started and had more confidence in myself!

That's the career side of me. The family side of me seems to be ever changing. Kids (mine) growing and I wish they could just stay small because everything was so much easier! No questioning my parental decisions and making me question them myself. I've been told that if you doubt your own decisions, then you're doing it right. If that's true, sign me up for mother of the freekin year!!  I just wish my kids understood that I've always had their best interest in mind. Taking the high road and putting everyone else's best interest first is tough but it's who I am. I only want what's best for them and I hope someday they will see that. Until then, who knows. I guess I just sit back and take it and try to hold it together.

Last, yep, I'm an Army wife. It's been almost 3 yrs. It's amazing how my life has changed in 3 years and the places it's taken me and the people I've met.  I have learned a lot, that's for sure. I had no idea what different ranks were, (still mess up from time to time) or what they meant. I never imagined that some wives would assume their husbands rank was theirs too. My husbands rank was earned by him, not me. I support him, no matter his rank. I'm proud to be his wife, without question. I just think it's sad that some wives won't associate with other wives if their husbands are of a lower rank.  (Again, lesson learned.) I still can't believe we are in Hawaii! It is beautiful here and there is so much to see and do. I have my moments when I want to get out and see and do everything at once. Other days I just want to sit in the sun and think. I just wish we were in our house with all of our stuff. 5 weeks in a hotel room is a LLOONNGG time!! I wonder if anyone will come and visit us? It seems like "friends" have the same affliction of "out of sight, out of mind". I know if I had a friend that lived in Hawaii and told me that they could visit and have their own room to stay in and just had to pay for airfare, I'd be all over it!! 

I'm hoping I make some friends here. I didn't have a very good 1st impression of some people here before the plane even touched down. Oh well. Live and learn, which is kinda my motto lately. Probably why I started this blog and didn't post all this on Facebook.  Until next time....