Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Hate the word hate!

Hate is a word I rarely if ever use. I have said it before but when someone feels that strongly about someone or something, a darkness comes out and kills off a little bit of the goodness in them. I feel like hate=evil. I must be feeling evil right now because that's what I'm feeling. I don't like feeling like that and I think that bothers me as much as I hate the person/situation. There are so many cliches that would apply like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger or there's always a lesson to be learned or what comes around goes around. None of that matters when you feel like you're getting screwed over by someone or a situation that wasn't fair. Why is it there are people who do the right thing and play by the rules but still end up last while others fall into shit and come out smelling like a rose? (another favorite saying) When do you go to the dark side to get what you deserve? I guess for people like me that would be never which goes back to my last blog. I was not raised that way and as much as it sucks and as pissed as I am and would love to punch someone in the face (yeah I'm that pissed) I'm not going to let "those" kind of people control me or who I am or what my parents instilled in me. I have to have faith that karma will get them in the end because without hope and faith, what is there? 

Monday, September 24, 2012

Truth over a lie = good over evil!

Ever since I can remember, I was taught to do the right thing, don't cut corners and always tell the truth. I have lived my life trying my hardest to follow those lessons. Yes sometimes it's easier to cut corners but it ends up costing more time and energy in the long run. If you tell the truth then you don't have to worry about keeping all the lies straight. I just think its sad, no worse than sad but pathetic when people take advantage of others and lie to get their way. Maybe it goes back to how everyone is brought up. The values and moral fortitude instilled at a young age. A persons character is what sets us apart. Do you do the right thing only when you can get credit or when someone is there to see it? I'm the kind of person who will pick up an empty water bottle and put it in the trash even if it's not mine. I just think there is something within a person with a good character and a conscious that sets them apart from the rest. Id like to think that describes me. I'm not out to hurt people or screw people over. I don't think the world has it in for me and is against me. I do my best and sleep well at night and know the people that taught me those values would be proud. Sometimes I feel like people with those characteristics are the good and those without are the evil and we have to let justice prevail. I'm hoping that holds true for us and the truth will be all we need. Here's hoping!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Bring it!

So tomorrow is kind of a big day. We are going to Ricks work beach picnic. Now that alone is cause for alarm on so many levels! 1st, I will be wearing a bathing suit in front of people I actually know, not some random strangers on the beach I will never see again. Next, some of the people that have been there find great pleasure & enjoyment in attempting to make my life miserable. Well, I am proud to say, they can't get to me anymore so don't waste your time. (for those bitches reading this:) I'm better and stronger than that! On 2nd thought, go ahead and try because this Hollywood diva (1 of them said I act like) is going to sit back with my margarita and tunes and laugh while you make yourself look fools! Bring it! LFG!

Every little thing

I honestly believe everything has a meaning. We just need to pay attention to find out what it is. It could be a loved ones tone of their voice or the quality of a friendship. Do they bring something positive to your life? It could be something simple like a hello or a smile from some one passing by or some one who lets you out in traffic or the traffic jam you were stuck in that made you avoid an accident. Yeah....Rick says I think too much, lol. I just don't want to take anything for granted or miss out on any wonderful opportunities that may be hiding right around the corner. 

My good thing today?.....I live in Hawaii and its going to be about 82* today!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Sometimes I wish I was a guy. Hmm, let me count the reasons why! Besides the obvious p'ing while standing, scratching anywhere, any body part at any time, can lose weight easier than women, but a few of the biggest reasons are because they can focus on sports and tune everything else out or just shut off their brain if they want to! That's sooooo not fair! My brain is always going at a gajillion miles an hour and it's not just about 1 thing! I could be thinking about lets say what I'm doing tomorrow. I want to take the dog to the beach so I have to make sure I pack her toys, a towel, bowl for water and a bottle of water, poop bags, then on the way home I want to stop at petsmart and get her claws cut so I need to bring a treat for that and since I'll be right by Walmart, I'll return the broken cup I bought and do I need anything from the store? Oh yeah! Dog food and litter. The cat needs a bath too, what am I making for dinner?.......
Yep! My mind wanders and I don't know how to shut it off! It seems like the more I have on my mind the more it wanders. That probably has to do with my advanced age! About this time every year I start thinking about my age (mind wandering). The older I get, the more depressed/ pissed I get about getting older. It's not like I can lie about my age either! I'm getting to the middle age part where things don't function like they used to. The baby factory has long since been closed and now we have to figure out if those parts are doing what they should be doing or if I even need them any more! I'm not even going to get started on the emotional meltdowns! Oh the joys of middle age! 

Now for my 1 good thing. I made a to do list for around the house(sweep floors, walk dog,water plants, etc), stuff I needed to do this week. When I got home, the list was DONE! That made me feel so much better after my emotional beach meltdown. Now I know they can do stuff, I'm going to ask more often! Thanks honey <3

Friday, September 14, 2012

It's all just words!

I read someone's blog today and it made me think about something. What is the difference between venting, bitching, complaining, just saying, stating the facts, bellyaching, express or whine? Not much really. It's all in the interpretation and what the state of mind of the person doing that interpretation. Some days, when I'm in a shitty mood and nothings going my way, I consider it bitching and others when something just gets stuck in my craw (love that saying!) I just need to vent about it. I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing yourself as long as you don't do it in a slanderous or malicious way that could bring harm to others. As all of (or most) know, my husband is in  the Army. That's what he fights for. The right to say what's on your mind and express yourself. My blog is for me to do that. Not for others to use against me because they are bored with their own lives. It has been "cathartic" as Meredyth put it. It's for me not for anyone else. If you don't care about me then don't read it. It won't hurt my feelings 1 bit. There are very personal things that I just won't post about because it's nobody's business but those specific people I chose to share with. My blog has definitely helped me see myself more clearly. Kinda like the fog clearing. I'm not the same person I was 10, 5 or 2 years ago, hell, not even 4 months ago. I am changing every day and every day I find something else I like about myself or something that I need to work on. Looking at the big picture, life is good. When you pick it apart, there is a lot of work to be done and this blog helps me keep that work straight. 

When I was doing training, I learned that when you train someone, you should always follow a critisism with a compliment or a positive. My positive today is that I am so happy to be sitting in the living room with the dog at me feet and watch the cat walk right by her. That is exactly what I mean about my life changing and that part is definitely for the better!! I never thought they'd get along!! Even if the rest of the day goes down the shitter, I will smile and think of them :)

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I've been a busy girl!

I'm staying really busy lately and it's paid off! The house looks nice and my car is clean! That's 1 thing about me, when I do something I do it all the way, I don't do things half assed. Call it OCD, I call it detail oriented :) I just feel like if you're going to take time to do something do it right, all the way and take pride in what you do. I hope that's rubbed off onto my kids. Maybe it's excessive but when I do things a certain way, it's for a reason which is usually because it's the best way and the way I know works (there is usually logic involved). I know it drives people crazy but hey, it's who I am :)  I swear I will get to the dressers this weekend! I have to because I'm tired of having no dresser!! Well at least I will get to them after my Dr. apt at Tripler and our beach day! I'm feeling the need for some sand between my toes!! Here's hoping we can make it a family day!! We need it!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Where does the time go?

So I'm sitting in bed doing my nails and I thought, when was the last time I did my nails? It's been at least since we were in Missouri and that was in May! Where has time gone! I was also thinking about 1 year ago, Becky had her teeth pulled to get her braces put on. A whole year! She is going to have a great smile (kinda jealous!)  so with the crazy way my mind works, one thought leads to another , which apparently isn't abnormal with women because our brains are wired that way :) haha. I have been apart from my ex for 7 years! Summer is pretty much over but lucky for us we can still hit the beach! I don't want it to be a pcs of why didn't I do this or that while I had the time? Life gets in the way of all our good intentions! This week was a prime example. I had every intention to work on our dressers but other stuff came up! I had an ultra sound on my girly parts (NOT PREGGO!) lol went to a pinterest party, got a new stove delivered, Becky had an orthodontist apt. (touchy subject$ waiting for someone to pay their half!) and I had to take the car to get tires rotated then go to post office and then came home and was beat so I took a nap, dinner, walked the dog and trip to PX. Yep, tomorrow is a beach day, even for a few hours. Time is just getting away from me and the way I look at it, the dressers will still be here for a rainy day :) plus I'm getting some great ideas from pinterest!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Every life is precious even when we don't feel it

So a young girls life was cut way to short. I didn't know her but she was from my home town. She walked the same halls of the same school I did. From what I read, she was bullied so fm all that, I feel a connection. My heart truly breaks for her family and friends as they manage to cope with this tragic loss. All life has value and when a person questions their value, it is the rest of our responsibilities to help them see what it is. Campassion shouldn't be a lost characteristic. It should be 2nd nature. For a child to feel like taking their own life is the only solution to their problem is a tragedy in itself. So much potential. So much life left to be lived and lives to be touched. Like I said, I can relate and my heart is aching for her and those affected. RIP sweet girl.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

So I have been doing a lot of self evaluating lately. One of the things I was thinking about is my Facebook. I didn't realize that I have over 400 "friends" on my list. How many of them are actually friends and how many are acquaintances? How many could I call if I was in a bind and know that I could count on them? I think Facebook is a person giving a list of people permission to stalk them. If someone can't return a call or ask how I'm doing then I really don't want them to know what's going on in my personal life. It's time I adjust that list a bit more too. 

I've heard a lot of people say that your 40's are a time where you accept yourself and don't care what others think. They have also said that they are their best and most comfortable with who they are in their 40's. Well, I'm getting there. Maybe this is my selfish time to get me back. I started that by going for a run today. I actually like running and my knee felt better so that helped. I just wish I could control my breathing! I'm going to try to run every other day and use my bike or the elliptical when I'm not running. My goal is 25 lbs gone by my birthday! November 14th. I think that's realistic. I need to do this for me. When I don't like how I look, I am miserable! So, once again, I am going to do something about that!! Look out world, I'm making my way back!!  LFG!!!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I'm the kind of person that wants to make everything better for everyone I love or care about.  Not many people understand that or appreciate it. It's who I am and over the past few weeks I have come to realize I really like that part of myself. As a matter of fact, I really like who I am. I can be enthusiastic, energetic, and passionate but I'm also a loyal and caring friend. I have values which I stick to and if  my character rubs someone the wrong way, that's their problem, not mine.  I try to avoid conflict and confrontation when possible but I'm learning to standup for what I believe. I'm reminded of a girl that used to pick on me in 5th. grade. She was so mean! I used to walk home from school and she used to follow me home and push me down in the mud or snow. I used to cry and ask God why she was so mean to me. Now I realize she did it to make herself feel like a bigger, stronger person. Well I know I didn't do anything then and was basically the same person back then that I am now. There will always be that 1 person trying to push me down in the mud or snow. I can't control them but I can control  who I am after. My husband made a good point. He said, don't change who you are, it makes you special and I love who you are. Well guess what?! So do I. S all those people who may not understand me or dislike something about me, tuff shit. I'm a good person and I like me and that's all that matters!

Ps. I used to do something with my kids everyday that I called 1 good thing. Today my 1 good thing was, my Beckaboo made cookies and she's going to wash the dishes from dinner :) hint hint ;)