Friday, August 31, 2012

Emotional dreamer.....

I talked to a dear friend who I miss very much today. She told me a story of a family she knows. The father and son went camping and the father fell 300 feet down a cliff/mountain where he layed injured while his 9 year old son searched 2 miles for help. They returned and the father had died.  While listening to her tell the story,no couldn't help but cry. I've never met this family, hadn't heard of them and didn't hear of the story on the news but it still made me cry and touched me. I said before that I think I've gotten more emotional as I've gotten older. It's been a few hours since my friend told me the story and I still keep gettin teary. Every life has meaning and value. What that value is is what we make of it and it is no one else's  right to tell us what they think it should be.

Becky started her new job today, yep, I cried. My baby is growing up and I am so proud of her but at the same time it makes me sad. I have always told my kids their 2 rules are, 1- be a kid, 2- communicate. They are only a kid for a little while so enjoy it and communicate so if there is a problem and they can't figure it out, tell me so I can and they can enjoy being a kid as long as possible. Well Becky came home after work and said exactly what I thought she would "I'm beat!" poor kid, and that's what she still is! I think after just 1 shift, she sees a little of what I meant by the 2 rules. It's just too bad that it might be too late.

Now comes me, I'm setting goals, which I'm fantastic at doing. It's just getting motivated to start them and see it through that I suck at! Give me something to plan or organize, bam! You got it! But have me do something for me, not so much. My 2 major goals, get a job (career) and 2, tone, tighten and get in shape while losing 20-25 lbs.  it would be for me, no one else.  The only other time I have been this size, I was preggo and I'm definitely not now! (snip snip) I just can't take it anymore and I'm sick of hearing myself bitch but don't know how to get myself motivated again! I miss Meaghan, my work out buddy!  I'm glad my knee is better but don't want to hurt it again either. I wish I could afford a personal trainer that could make me a diet plan, meal by meal and an exact daily workout plan so I could see immediate results. Yep, I'm a my dream, I'm a perfect size 4, toned, tan, loving my career.........hey! It's my dream so I can make it however I want :)

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